Then when it looked like she was losing, she would make out she was so depressed she had to take medication for depression when he moved home, then had to have her children call my h and tell him how sick she was and how she wasnt eating wont get out of bed, blah blah blah. Refusal to go for walks could be signs of an underlying behavioral issue. He watches TV all day long and plays computer games on his phone. My husband doesn t want to spend time with me, is it true? Guess what happened, I lost focus on me again and I gained most of it back, it doesnt feel good at all. I handled it FAR better than he did, and I think I should be the one ranting and raving over how bad it made me feel. He is at the point where it scares him to think of what he could have lost. It is so easy to make our lives about our kids. They questioned whether or not they had anything in common anymore with their husbands. I usually dont think of him at all. If anything, it is a great opportunity to spend quality time with single friends. This could be an emotional affair or a physical one. Read Also: 11 Signs of Selfish Husband and How to Deal With Him. You might not see it, but your relatives can sometimes be quite overwhelming, especially if theyre always around. That made it interesting to them I suppose. They just werent invested, and I believe it has to do with how they felt about themselves at the time. True. Time will tell. I have said to him more than once that I dont know who I am anymore. But I know one thing I wont go through this again kids or not Im better than that and dont deserve it. So if you notice that hes been pulling away lately, try giving him some time to himself and see if that makes a difference. And honestly I have done that at times. Make your moments together count. No, not perfectly but he COULD have asked for what he needed. Doug, I know you were joking but knowing Linda and what you guys have learned through hard experience, I am willing to bet she did very, very little husband bashing. You can be bored, stressed, depressed, or a whole host of other emotions on ANY given day. More lies to manipulate him, each time something would backfire. What do I do? I commented on his IG. My husband doesn t want to spend time with me; it hurts. I say grow up, be bored and count yourself lucky you have the luxury to be bored. he said if she was going to be such a jerk, she didnt need to come over here, or he didnt need to ever be around her, blah blah blah. Yes I did everything to make his life comfortable not so much now. The full 3 months have gone by and your dog has settled in. Perhaps in the UK or somewhere you have been before. Five Lifestyle Rituals to Inspire Monogamy. Its my own sort of therapy to keep myself outta trouble. All he ever wants to do is sit on the couch and watch TV. He did help out by having someone come in once a week and do the heavier cleaning. We have two very young kids and both work high-pressure, full-time jobs. I realized that I was not bored because I was always giving to our marriage and familyshe was the taker which meant she was always waiting for something to be given to her or to happen for her. I have a few family members who purchased time shares here many years ago. If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. So his solution might be to avoid you, to not spend time around you. Sound familiar? Its better that way. Some of the big realizations I have had in this post affair phase are: a. I defined myself far too much by my perceived status of good wife and good mother. one of the bs excuses my wife made after her affair was how shed found new excitement. This commitment keeps me here but I dont know what kind of godly marriage this is, when he contributes no energy or time to it. And if your husband has told you outright that hes no longer attracted to you, its time for a serious conversation. Over time, the lack of connection can take a toll on your relationship. They are selfishly seeking attention, with NO intention of giving up their real relationship. Speak with your doctor about whether you even have anything to disclose at this point. And he will bethe old guy at the club. Lol, and ewwwww. Now he only changes underwear and showers once a week. Plus, he flatly turned down my request that he get counseling or even that WE get counseling. I vent ONLY to my bff, who knows our story and my level of commitment to this relationship. I am exhausted and depressed most of the time. I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Ayyy ahora si ya les cuento todito lo que pas De verdad que miedo He goes to bed whenever he wants and gets up whenever he wants. Exercise Grace, I totally agree. Then when I think about how unappreciative and selfish her betrayal was in the first place I feel like fool for stretching myself so thin when I feel like she should be kissing MY ass. Now I am thinking of calling it quitsnever thought I would feel this way..worked so hard to keep my marriage together.but Ive been at this now for 4 years and still not sure if one day he is going to come home and say he is leaving. And here are 9 ways you can escape awkward conversations . My h was telling me on the weekend how his mistress told him, if I didnt want my children, how she would be so happy to raise them with him. This blog post will discuss the ten most common reasons why your spouse might not want to spend time with you and what you can do about it. I give up on getting a true apology. I can see how my h would prefer to forget. My son is starting his divorce proceedings this week and he has a 3 year old son. Exercise, play sports, go to the gym and consider beginning each day with a walk together. I do need to add it wasn't my finest moment, and I'm not proud of this. All through his fog. If your husband is spending more time with friends, at work, or on his hobbies, it might be because hes found someone new to spend his time with. I do not like to sit around in the house when it is beautiful weather outside. Once you know the reason, you can work on a solution. I feel like I need to turn into a stepford wife. ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Im doing everything I can to bring the romance and passion back to our marriage while she acts miserable every day. For example, if you dont share his love for football, he may feel like it would be a waste of time. 1. His apathy is excruciating and I feel myself just shriveling up and blowing away in the wind. If you two never go out anywhere together, then I would say that he's using you for sex (or hopes to soon). I also lived in constant fear that she would get bored again and run back to him. Apparently its not caused by lack of love at all, but probably more likely due to the lack of newness, adventure and passion. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns. Trusting that you have been accurate with your wife's words, I'd like to share a quote from Michael Warner's 1999 queer manifesto The Trouble With Normal, which applies to you more than you . 20/04/2015 at 11:50 am. It's like having a toddler. But after she left, he was angry. Im guessing that she was betting on I would not leave her. But I, like you, intensely feel like the decades of marriage, taking care of everything (house, kids, social life and working myself), has led me nowhere. Read More All related (100+) Sort Recommended JMMendez Im also in the best shape of my life because of it (not because of her, but my self-determination to improve myself and keep on challenging myself). For ME, the absolute foundation of monogamy is my commitment to that very principle. For nearly twenty five years before the affair he had a very traditional marriage, by both of our choices. Its his wifes fault for not meeting her husbands needs. EG, I was indeed joking as she playing the role of advisor, not basher. My major flaw is that Im fat. Instead of demanding his time, try giving him some space to do what he enjoys. I finally decided that she will never appreciate how much I did for herbefore or after her cheating. If you focus on his negative qualities, itll only push him away. Talking to one other and making an effort is key to a long-lasting relationship. In a marriage, spouses continually need each other, whether it's for emotional support during a hard time or to attend a boring work event so one doesn't have to suffer alone. But its good to know that Im not alone in feeling this way. Worse, I let others judge that for me. But some expectations. Stop thinking that your way is the "right" way. There will be peace in it being OVER, pursuing it would likely not be worth the emotional cost. And the selfish person cheating is fooling themselves and their affair partner to justify what they are doing. Sometimes guys just don't know how to say things. But threats of leaving, cutting off "privileges," or even threats . 1. 8. Need help with your relationship? Most husbands work outside the home to provide for the family. Of course, this doesnt mean that you should never spend time with your spouse. They work, because one of my girlfriend's husband was having trouble getting hard and he ordered one.. She is so proud of . Any ideas? he doesnt want things to improve. Keep your chin up girl, we are all rooting for you! My husband never wants to go out and do things. They were bored. I brought it up in marriage counseling and the counselor said if he was bored it was because he was boring. I know exactly how you feel. That was still intact. Because he is home 24/7 the bills have increased. Answer: It is extremely difficult to live with a negative person. She is also a very nasty person and looking like Miss America couldnt compensate for her internal self. But where is my security? Respecting his wishes will go a long way in making him feel more inclined to spend time with you. Unique Proposal Ideas To Make Your Partner Say Yes, 21 Signs the Universe Wants You to Be With Someone, What to Do When a Guy Ghosts You: Obvious Red Flag Explained. They are NOT as unhappy as they profess themselves to be. If my husband never wants to do anything with me, its essential to take a step back and figure out why. And so, the million-dollar question isWhat inspires us to choose to be (and stay) monogamous? You might be unwittingly putting distance between yourself and your partner by being too busy. My ex made out very well during the pre-trial. If you're spending more time with work, kids, or hobbies, he may feel left out. I loved that. Make sure to schedule some me time into your week to stay sane and avoid resentment. she willingly goes to counseling but I dont think think she puts much effort towards repairing our marriage. The most irksome part of this entire process is that it is completely backward from what it should be. He confesses that his testimony and knowledge of the gospel was minimal before a harrowing climb on Denali, the highest peak in North America, forced him to put his new faith to the test. Weve been married 42 years. I was busting my ass and kissing hers at the same timeeven after the magnitude of her betrayal. So, what gives, lol? I even wrote a comment to that effect not long ago. Particularly in a long term relationship. Reader Disappointed Dater writes, My husband of 9 years has legitimately never planned a date for us. I was tiresome and costing me a fortune! Its essential to show interest in the things your spouse enjoys, even if you dont share the same enthusiasm. Ok so i've let off some steam with my previous strip club post and now I have just a curious question. In that case, its a sign that he doesnt value your time together as much as you do. Without getting into too much of the details and background, it is apparent to us that they have fallen into a serious marital trap. With empty nesthood approaching fast they were concerned that the rest of their lives were going to be lifeless and dull. Its his fault for not paying enough attention. She said the same thing about being bored and finding excitement. Communication is just not you expressing your issues and him just agreeing. Oh, I know, EG. d. regardless of what others choose, I can still choose to be a happy person. Encourage and compliment your spouse. Well, wow. I believe that is why most BS wouldnt even think about entering an affair, really who had the time and energy. Instead, he could simply be showing his love by other gestures. I do everything outside the home with friends, nothing with him. He may feel like he cant do anything right in your eyes or that youre always criticizing him. Now he helps make the bed every morning or it doesnt get made. Also when a person complains about being bored they are often bored with themselves not their marriages or spouses. No way to win with this guy. Eg, unfortunately with my h cousin it, she thought it was and when it looked like she could use it she threw herself at him like a bitch on heat. Yes, you guessed ittheir husbands. Two years ago he was an ER physician, today he spent 10 minutes trying to figure out how to open the refrigerator. My parents were recent ly deceased, I had no money cause he would not work, and no where to go. or situations/content involving minors. Exercise grace I relate entirely to the one-women circus comment (except the women part-haha.) 4) He doesn't know how to bring something up. I was never bored. I'd go with an ultimatum: remind him you're not his servant, nor a . Me too. His demeanour physically / the way he moves is gentle and measured. Yes, it SUCKS the big one and I struggle to deal with the profound disappointment, frustration and anger towards him and I dont like myself anymore because Ive lost respect for him and Im irritable all the time. Self-destruct, and take the easy way out. but thats not our problem. What should I do if my husband never wants to do anything with me? This can make him feel resentful and unwilling to spend time with you. Johnson says that to do that we must design lifestyle relationship rituals that create the conditions by which love and loyalty are rewarded (rather than ignored). Not exactly good party talk! If he does something differently, it does not mean that it's wrong. "Love and affection should be evident not only to you, but . Try to understand and support his new goals. Those were the words that one of our friends told Linda recently. Oh wait, here I am doing JUST THAT, LOL LOL. How profound. e. just because someone throws something down it doesnt mean you have to pick it up. If you want things to change, stop enabling it (I really suggest just breaking up because you are trying to change something that has always been there) start setting some boundaries that You can't live like this and that things need to change cuz you are at the end of your rope (You should have just never gotten in a relationship or even married this man). What to do when my husband never wants to do anything with me during this period? In that case, likely, hes just trying to better himself. A Crappy Vacation Told Me My Marriage Was Really Over. Don't put others before your husband. The excitement and stimulation came from the illicitness of what they were doing sneaking around on their spouses like teenagers. Leaving Her Alone One of the quickest ways to destroy your marriage is to leave your wife alone. When he does help out he acts like invented electricity. Absolutely NOT ! I feel like I have to force him. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. The 10 signs that your husband is not happy in your marriage 1. If your spouse feels like youre always trying to get him to do things or constantly talking to him, it can be tough to want to spend time with you. The truth lies in the middle, where two selfish people made themselves look like all that and they were both stupid enough to think that someone who was willing to lie and deceive their spouse would magically be some honest, ethical person with THEM. In answer to. He still waits for my direction and Ive stopped doing all I did because he wont put any responsibility onto himself. 3. Don't get in a relationship where the main traits of a person irritates, you and don't expect those traits to just magically disappear just because you get married, Have a discussion where things do not move on until he starts answering questions, He gets on medication or he starts seeing someone to get his depression under control. Feminize me, fuck me, and make me yours. That is exactly what my husband did and he admits it. All of these will be removed and locked. Eg, its funny you commented about being a step ford wife, lol. Have a sneaking suspicion that your husband is unsatisfied with your marriage? I am 62 and he is 70, maybe its his age. Please make sure you read our rules here. The affair has changed that for me. Its so frustrating and can make you feel really lonely. If he feels like he cant get away from his job, even for a few hours, it will strain your relationship, so youll think: My husband never wants to do anything with me.. She got to screw another guy for 2 years and I was now bending over backwards trying to make her happywth? Ignore builds a wall between you and your spouse. We both are. As always seems to be the case, we separated out into two groups women and men for some further discussions. Blah blah blah. I think Ive done my share. The cheating spouse still seems to be calling the shots. was I the one responsible for what I did? He's in good form from the minute he wakes up (unlike me). I am tired of the many years of being his personal assistant, director, PR person, party planner, date night organizer, relational health coach, spiritual leader and the bad guy parent. Since monogamy is an ongoing choice, its something that has to be inspired over the long term. Not one bit. If youre the type of person who gets insecure and jealous when your partner talks to anyone else or even just spends time away from you, it might be time to take a step back. I dont live with her, I am not trying to make a life and raise a family with her. First, try to be more positive when youre around him. If she only knew. If you can make him feel appreciated, hell spend time with you. she had destroyed my confidence in our marriage.She had conditioned me to believe that she was the best I could ever do and no one would else would ever want me. Easier to blame me. Go on the internet and look for a "Penis Pump" and order one for him.. I know the signs now, I know his tells when something is up. Arent all of you lucky:). This will make him feel valued and appreciated and more likely to want to spend time with you so you wont complain: My husband never wants to do anything with me. You dont have to fake excitement about every little thing, but ask questions and express genuine curiosity about what hes passionate about. Discover the 10 Most Important Lessons about Surviving Infidelity, Most of the Time My Husband Doesnt Want to do Sh*t, No Such Thing As TMI The Importance of Full Disclosure After You Have Had an Affair, Affair Recovery Moving On After Infidelity, Taking Inventory: A New Approach to the New Year & A Betrayed Spouses Bill of Rights, Follow our journey as we save our marriage after an emotional affair, Terms of Service/Privacy Policy/Affiliate Disclosure. Can I ask how old you are? He needs to communicate his thoughts and feelings in it as much as you are to actually communicate with each other. c. I need to stay true to who I am. Plan a weekly date night where you go out to dinner or see a movie, Go on weekend trips together even if its just for a few hours, Make time for a weekly game night or hobby night, Exercise together this can be anything from going for a walk to playing tennis. ULK I hate it all for everyone but I am trying to be the constant for him. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. IMHO. Plan weekend getaways or vacations well in advance so he has something to look forward to and can plan accordingly at work. I don't think . Ohh and the funny thing is, she wasnt on anything for depression. 3. I look around at some of the couples we know, how they treat each other and I think to myselfME? If someone's lack of response has become a. Thats like saying its ok for me to walk into a bank and steal money if the security guard isnt looking. Stay strong. It is just easier to blame someone else rather than looking within. This will give you a sense of self-fulfillment, but it will also make you more attractive to your husband so you wont be worried and constantly think: My husband never wants to do anything with me. When youre content with yourself, youre less likely to demand constant attention, giving him the breathing room he needs. Was my husband responsible for his alcoholism and abuse? Good advise eg. See he would watch me falling and he would hold his hand out to her to help her up. First, to the antisocial spouse (or person whose wife is saying "My husband has no friends or hobbies,") you might not think this is a big problem. If that is ever what he wants again (and I doubt it) he can leave with my blessing. All bans in this subreddit are permanent. He has no ideas, no desire to do simple fun or actively engage with me on anything. This is probably the most common reason why husbands feel like their wives dont care about spending time with them. If you asked Doug today if he is bored I am confident that he would say no (except for an occasional dry spell) He is completely invested in our marriage and puts forth so much time and effort around the house, with our children and to insure that our marriage is healthy. 25 Signs Your Husband Doesn't Love You Anymore 1. If at this point, he still doesn't like walks, you might have to follow the steps above. he says he knows I am fighting for us but he also knows me and I am just getting ready for when we divorce. We are all now to the point where our kids have either graduated from college, in college or will be entering college next fall. If this is the case, try not to take it personally and give him the solo time he needs. Your story proves my point. Maybe he just shows his affection in other ways? Unless I wanted to peruse thing it would have cost me between 15,000-20,000. I realized that I was not bored because I was always giving to our marriage and familyshe was the taker which meant she was always waiting for something to be given to her or to happen for her. She made sure to find me enough work to make sure I never uttered or even thought those words again! He doesn't spend time with you anymore At one time, you and your husband were inseparable, and he always put you first. So as a reward for trying to keep my marriage together I get to work harder than ever on our relationship while my character and personality is constantly on trial. One of the main signs of a disrespectful husband is when he never ever asks your opinion on anything. Its control, but only when he sees me doing things that dont involve him. She was not invested like I was. This came to our email by mistake. I used to have a higher regard for my wedding vows but these scars will unfortunately stay with me and so be it. We go to counseling once a week and it helps but its the only time we ever even talk about her affair. Talk to him about how youre feeling and see if theres anything you can do to help relieve some of his stress. Told me why now when he doesnt care. Excellent point Doug. I was always the family planner and organizer too. It scares me to think shell never truly appreciate what she has and may again look for it outside our marriage. We were trying to understand how they could have gotten to this place and hypothesized what could possibly be going on in their relationships, and why. 2010-2019 Emotional Affair Journey. He often jokes about leaving his wife. I saw something somewhere that research indicates that 65% or more of extramarital affairs can be directly attributed to boredom. He never wants to go anywhere, do anything or even really spend time together. In a vacation environment totally devoid of any stress, I couldn't stand to be in my husband's company. He has friends, hobbies, and other commitments that compete for his time. Of course, this isnt to say that you should never come first. I hope its not too late. Try not to take it personally if he seems distant. I dont think we should ever let ourselves fall into the boredom trap either, but I am so tired (as the betrayed spouse) of feeling like I need to become a one woman circus to keep the interest going. The affair partner wants to place the blame on the betrayed spouse. Post-affair, I am uncomfortably aware that making mountains out of molehills can be a dangerous self-fulfilling prophecy. What a crock! We saw therapists through the years but nothing changed. Rachel, I am so sad that this is the path you have been forced to walk. It was all about ME and what I should or shouldnt do, NOT about him and the nasty tramp he was running around with, protecting, putting on a pedestal, No, no one wins we just keeping moving forward. Someday shell wake up. He sounds more like an FWB if. So now I feel like if were not doing something exciting all the time Im gonna lose her again. Also, the 21st birthday of my oldest son. I have even spoken with his dr. Who says she doesnt see it yet he has all the signs. You may have noticed unhappy employees. It's been 10 years of this. And whats worse is that in these two cases neither one of the wives have communicated their dissatisfaction to their husbands. IM the one that got cheated on and you talk to your spouse/treat your spouse like THAT?? if we do go to a wedding as it is an obligation he will sit and not speak to anyone and always wont to leave early. I had almost no confidence left by the time I discovered her cheating. Devoted my life to him and my children..worked at a job I hated for the money and where am I know? He shaves maybe once a week, at most. When that didnt seem to work, more bad mouthing me, more wanting my family. If your husband feels like youre constantly nagging him, hell likely start to dread spending time with you. Learn how your comment data is processed. No matter what the problem is, communication is critical. I have lost a lot of weight and am going to the gym but my husband cuts that down. No matter what the level of infidelity ( from daydreaming about an ex to full blown adultery) the one constant factor in cheaters is that they chose to dishonor their commitment while people who did not cheat honored it. Its important to have hobbies and interests outside of your relationship. And that goes right to the heart of why so very few people actually DO leave. If you . Spend an evening each week catching up on your favorite TV show or reading books side by side. Now I have more expectations. He has let his hair grow long and messy and refuses to get a haircut. I don't know the answer but I'll be looking for that pdf to read as well!! I so understand and feel the same way. On the contrary, everyone needs quality time with their loved ones. I think your awesome, full of integrity and heart! It's always healthy for the dad to bond with baby, have skin time, even if the baby is fussy. I'll want to go somewhere or do something and he tells me he doesn't want to go or do whatever it may be. You endured much more than most would be able to. An emotionally distant husband may show some or all of the following signs: Being indifferent to activities Being inflexible Getting defensive easily Being overly critical of you Giving the silent treatment Being unwilling to talk about his feelings Taking from the relationship more than he gives But those are just a few of the signs. What hes passionate about he acts like invented electricity neither one of the main signs of an underlying issue! Minutes trying to better himself fighting for us your chin up girl we! Lost a lot of weight and am going to the gym but my husband of years. ; privileges, & quot ; privileges, & quot ; way helps! Fuck me, the lack of connection can take a step ford,. Is sit on the contrary, everyone needs my husband never wants to go anywhere time with your spouse like?. 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