i can 't handle my autistic child anymore

Is that what you want? See a friend for lunch, hire a disability-friendly sitter and dont burden your children with this. Besides its not like you even want, like/love, or care about your child. I have an autistic daughter who has stopped eating and drinking. Assume that your child is struggling, not intentionally misbehaving. Your persistence will pay off once the routine feels natural and internalized, your child will feel better. Sincerely, And yes you can shove youre gross harmful opinions back up you ass, because I grieved I did, when the drs told me my baby will never know langue, he will never call me mommy, he will not love another, he will not Mary, there will be no dances or seeing him do normal things like draw or sort Its devastating its the loss of all original hopes and dreams you had for the baby you carried for months. The second thing. Shes human with rough life circumstances that broke down and reached out for support in a moment of weakness. I know she feels my ambivalence. Sometimes SIB is related to pain. I suspect this entire, offensive, tone-deaf piece was published only as click bait. If shaming others is wrong then please dont shame literal children to their face for something outside of their control. You think parents of NT kids dont publicly complain, post videos, etc? Ran across this post really desperate and I see both sides. It was about you taking your child to see Elmo. :). Divorces due to the stress breaking down every relationship you have. Be consistent. Don't punish/criticize the child or push them to do something if they aren't comfortable, because they'll associate social interactions with negative feelings. In the ten years since, Ive averaged two hospitalizations a year. This isnt right, but parents like us are so freaking exhausted just trying to survive, we dont have the strength to demand fair services for our children. My son is 25 now and much more able to do for himself than even a few years ago, but I know that moment of not being able to stand another second of a meltdown from him. Big deal. I feel sad when we are at the playground and I see other kids who are normal. The things that effect your stepchild now will still effect them 20 years from now. The kind of mom who would make one of these namby-pamby videos and have the idiocy to post it has issues beyond her child with autism. You went no contact? The mother had genuine feelings she was sharing- she wasnt overacting, she has every right to feel frustrated and vent Because those of us with disabled children fear so fucking much. I know I did. We are allowed to feel what we feel and I for one am sick of the puppies and rainbows autism community judging me for venting when my child is having a seriously horrible day. Its been so long I dont even remember what its like to have a normal nights sleep or to have a dream. I dont complain on social media because Im off all social media. The very fact that you wrote this tells me you have NO clue what severe autism is, or what it looks like. My son just turned three in January, he has SPD, possible ADHD, and is being re-evaluated for ASD. The inability to communicate, meltdowns, need for structure can look exactly the same even though a person may be able to fake NT from time to time. Im not a fan of this article, I find it patronising to say the least. And the assumptions about how the parent must have all these other outlets? Most kids who are autistic ARE identifiable as autistic . I will trust that you are right that your son will never read or see the offensive videos and articles the author is condemning. Is that complaining? There is nothing wrong about a parent complaining or feeling sorrow for their autistic child. Its hard. I also totally agree with you that we should treat each other with grace. They have a dogpile of kids and suddenly they have the moral authority to trash not only parents of typical kids but as proven here, parents of disabled kids. If what you have is autism (it does not meet my definition as you are able to write this article, marry, have children) then that is not in anyway comparable to the kind of autism my son has and Cooper has. Not every autistic child is the kind you can just take to starbucks or out for lunch! 'I am not able to do this anymore': Plight of parents who dropped off autistic son is far from rare, experts say There are about 12,000 families in Ontario alone that are waiting for some kind of. His momma helps provide that. By not telling the truth about what its like to live with a child with severe autism, its painting an inaccurate picture and quite frankly, its counter productive. Do you put your own clothes on before you wander outside in below freezing temperatures? If something you do makes your child cry or beg you to stop, then stop. They say they love their kids but its conditional. What right do you have to tell another parent how they should feel about their autistic child? Get a babysitter and plan a date night with your spouse. Come over here so my son can smear his fecal matter in your face and then tell me again to not complain. She is anything but a bad person. They gave birth to a disabled child so i guess they deserve what they get. Listening to the same sound or word 24 hours a day because that is all they can say. Lets see how happy you remain when your kid kills your pets, destroys everything you love or hold dear, smears feces on everything in the home including your face, ruins all interaction around you with his tantrums and physically attacks you or anyone for no reason. Sensitive to the way her clothes felt from a very early age, potty trained before 2 because she didn't like diapers, couldn't wear socks, underwear, tags on clothes, or jeans due to the way they felt. Susan Goewey recently postedComedy = Tragedy + Time. If they like stimming, try stimming with them you might see what they get out of it or work out youre just wired differently :p. Then dont be a part of those FB parents groups. So I think what it comes down to is for parents to ask themselves two things: What are my support needs? Why does it look like they do it like a breeze. Be careful about the organizations you support, and the messages they send about autism. Being attacked by your own child. Now i agree about posting certain stuff online,i myself are private because to me the world does not deserve a front row seat to my family. Occasionally posts contains other affiliate links as well. Shaming other people pain and how they express it is wrong. The problem here isnt the teachers, most of whom are going beyond duty for the children. You very likely need MORE support than I do, and thats valid! Oh you are high functioning like me so you can probably wipe your own ass & pay your own bills? Recognize the difference between a meltdown and a tantrum. Take heart. Like, there is an out? For people posting that High-Functioning Autistics are nothing like my kid- sometimes they are. Your post is the most discriminatory and ableist thing Ive read in a while. I have had many F U, autism! moments, but I know hes even more frustrated than I am. Maybe Some of you people are fortunate enough to have an autistic kid that doesnt make yours and everyone around you difficult and at times just plain awful. It breaks my heart my son will never take an SOL, SAT, or go to college due to his autismit is a REAL DISABILITY. Yes, vent, complain etc but not on the internet to strangers. I pinky promise Ill explain what parents should do when feeling such big (and valid) feelings about autism and their child. Serious sleep problems. I do my best but there is only so much I can do. Dont be swayed by this one writers POV. Neurodiversity Doesnt Exclude Your Child You do. Being non-speaking or intellectually disabled (those are VERY different things, by the way) doesnt negate that persons basic right to privacy, dignity, and respect. Complain out of earshot of your kid who has no way aboiding this on his own. You can have fun kneading and tossing the dough, make faces with the vegetables, and taste throughout the process. As an autistic adult I totally agree with some of the things youre saying. You want to complain so fucking badly about your kid smearing fecal matter to the world? My ex was totally out of the picture even when we were married cuz its easier for him that way. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with saying so. Allen, Francis. If they're comfortable with discussing the subject, pitch your conversation at their current understanding. Clearly hates her child?! I don't feel like have an identity anymore. Theres no support, respite, etc., for our family. Most autism mums disgust me. We get no respite care (because government funding for services like that have been cut). No full nights sleep. Off to start a new family? There are 12 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. Why dont you self-righteous, toxic parents support your autistic kids and let them be themselves, rather than complaining about how horrible your life is? You cant keep it up, there will come a point you have to unload. I dont work, i dont drive, i shower once in a blue moon and im happy. During these stories, appreciate what your child is trying to convey, and ask a question or two if you want to understand better. You really seem to be of the mind that women should just shut up and put up with no help. So I really have to say it is unbearable most of the time. This mother loves her child as any other parent loves theirs. The author makes false, broad generalizations and assumptions that shame hard-working, loving parents of level 3 autism as well as level 2, parents who NEED SUPPORT and are only desperately trying to teach their children basic life skills that other, typically developing children naturally learn. Especially if your child is severely affected, AND UNABLE TO SELF ADVOCATE, he needs a translator, i.e., his mom, his primary caregiver. Her concerns are real. I have never had a student with any kind of special needs which dont take more then their fair share of individual help which does mean other kids do miss out and individual help that they could use too. Please apologize to this mama (and all the other ones out there) for telling her not to speak her voice. Shame on you for telling people how to feel and how to express their feelings. Special interests can help build confidence and expertise. There is literally only so much time in each day. Having to make plans for your own death so your child can be kept safe and secure after it. But the difference at the two extreme end points hardly look like the same condition. EVERYONE. Censorship would be to try to take it down, removed from wherever it is. I hear your pain, your fear for your child, how overwhelmed you are. When the world is spinning around you, pause and look within yourself taking note of your emotions and bodily sensations. I havent seen this particular video (dont plan to, either), but I see a lot of this stuff on Facebook, etc. WHY cant it be acceptable to vent about your children?? They talk about how their disabled children are burdens on them and make their life so much harder. I feel like Im getting a peek into my own mothers thought processes. The first thing you need to do is accept that you are where you are and there is no blame, there is nothing you could of done differently because if you could have, you would have. The fact that there are support groups to share experiences and vent is exactly what the author points out. Learn the difference. The average lifespan for Autistic people is 3638 years (Joseph & Guohua, 2017). I believe it is the reason I am now for the most part estranged from my sister. When your child is severe,it is like nothing you have ever seen. In general, its best to avoid making your child feel too awkward. There is something that I can not understand why my autistic child ruin things (e.g., cutting mouse wire, toilet lights pulled switch, throwing android tablet from third floor flat, peeled laptops keypads, smashing laptops screen, rip trousers intentionally, etc) and waste things (e.g., squeezing new tube of toothpaste, shampoo, bath-gel out until empty, etc). Now that we have that out of the way, lets get to the meat of it. No need to apologize for anything there .. I do not sugar coat my life and i dont pretended this is a fairy tale. Its scary to think about the future when your child may need lifetime care. There are appropriate forums and the sobbing mom should have used one of them. It is part of human nature. Consistency makes it clear that you mean what you say. For example, instead of "my child won't tell me what's wrong," think "my child can't tell me what's wrong." With the current situation going to the hospital for any other reason is not the best option. No one elses. By NOT expressing these things it makes other parents of autistic children feel like they arent good enough, isolated, and like they are flat out bad parents, even though they sacrifice EVERYTHING just to care for them. And mean. This may occur in children with autism along with many other symptoms that point to autism . Provide the child with tools to self-soothe, such as sensory toys, calming books or videos, weighted blankets, a swing set, or even a pet. Yeah, I bet. This can be harmful to the child's self-esteem and may cause regression, aggression, and other problems. I find it interesting that the first thing this article does is shame a mom for her blog. Spend some time in their world. Would you share that with the whole world in a way that shamed him or would you find people you trusted to support you and vent to them? She makes it SO MUCH HARDER for the world to accept my kids as they are. This is our first child, her therapy is not free or covered we live, we are spending over 90K in CAD per year. I dont believe you were shaming me or any other parent all. Dont censor the woman whose video went viral about her view. Have you worked on non-verbal communication skills? You are the reason your son does those things. The prevalence of adults with autism is on the rise and the reason is really quite simple: more children diagnosed with autism means, in the long run, more adults with autism. However, with love and respect, you can increase social skills and help your child find happiness. If I do, thats a meltdown. Do you put on your own helmet before you start bashing your own head into the floor & put on your own gloves so you dont bite your hands bloody? I know I am not easy, I know I am difficult. If you loved this post, you might also enjoy. If someone needs support, then they should receive it any way they can. The highests I have had is 8 in a mainstream class of 29 students. Please, for your childrens sake, put them up for adoption where they would at least have some chance of being adopted and raised by parents who love and care for them. This article could have been written without refering to Kate and finding coopers voice. At the very least, it comes off bad on the parent. but presumably because they can't handle him. You AND your neighbors have to lock your house and yard down like Fort Knox. You do not get to be the censor police. Walk a mile in someones shoes before you start judging. 6 Steps on Every Parent of an Autistic Childs Autism Journey, How to De-Escalate Your Childs Meltdown When Youre Triggered, Stop Telling Me You Arent Ableist and Start Doing This Instead, How to Recognize Youre Triggered in 4 Simple Steps, Sometimes My Kid's Autism Pokes My Autism Right in the Eye - Autistic Mama. If you want to see the other side of this, I welcome you to live a day in our lives. What you are saying but you do not realize yourself, is that autism isnt the issue. For example, consider making homemade pizza with your child. Intellectual disability and autism are intrinsically connected, both conditions come from the same pool of autistic genes only that HF autism have dormant intellectual disability genes while severe autism are active. I feel so sorry for your child(ren). Such parents need EMPATHY and UNDERSTANDING and HELP raising our children with special needs and extreme behavioral PROBLEMS (YES, it IS a problem if they hit you so hard it knocks your teeth out it is complaining to want to keep all your bones intact, your teeth rooted? There isnt any manual to child raising. All your statement tells me is that you dont have any clue about the life behind severe autism, so you shouldnt belong to a group for low, or lower, functioning ASD people. But dont complain about how its so terrible to raise an autistic child. I both agree and disagree with this article. Children with autism often need constant supervision to ensure they don't get hurt or run away. When you say that autism makes your life so difficult, youre telling the world that autistic people are more trouble than were worth. If youre making excuse for an Autism Parent that clearly hates their child, then youre a crap excuse for a human being. Search the internet to see what substitutes autistic adults have found for their SIB. I dont think parents so much mourn their childrens potential achievements as their potential lack of choices. Sleep deprivation, extensive injury, seizure conditions, and explosive behaviors just to name a few. Id give anything, painful as it would be, for him to be able to read even this BS and respond himself as to how messed up it is. Support groups are for support. PLEASE stop blogging about Autism. I took my child to Disney land and all the other children were running around, while all my child did was slump in his chair and make a whining sound in front of Mickey Mouse! Its offensive, right. When you say that you don't think your child will have any friends ever, you're telling the world that autism makes someone un-loveable. If its such a big deal that your child meets Elmo, then that trip wasnt for your child at all. Having to cook special foods because your child will only eat a few types of foods or worst case, feeding tubes because they wont eat at all,and they will starve themselves. I dont know what you have to go through day to day but I can sympathize with anyone that has to face these hardships and loses their shit, all of us that are affected by autism live in a waking nightmare. 1. I am an autistic adult, I avoided the Autism world for a long time because I could not cope with how many times I felt hated by some parents. my beloved will never get a drivers license, marry, father a child, hold a job for pay or live independently or understand history or historical figures like MLK,JFK, FDRNONE of them. The mother making the video had every right to vent and talk it out. 1 Stay as calm as you can. thomas county middle school calendar; what should baby wear to bed 24 degrees. Required fields are marked *. Abusive?!? Then I went no contact with my mother. She shares the good, the bad and the ugly. And then your child was born, struggled through school, and they decided that they never wanted to go to college. WHERE does such heartless criticism come from?? He sleeps with a stuffed animal every night (and I could use one too). But to say to someone essentially, dont be overwhelmed OR make good choices when youre overwhelmed, makes little sense to me. Beautifully written! You desperately need more support, care, help, etc. ASD is called a spectrum for a reason. Everyday is a struggle for my and my husband, our child is very difficult, very behind and despite intensive therapy I already can see my future. Autism can seriously suck. Every single day for nearly the last decade we have been: hit, kicked, punched, screamed at, injured, and drained (emotionally, physically, mentally and financially). THAT is NOT up for debate. However, don't pass judgment or try to stamp it out of them. YOUR brain may be fine just the way it is, but something happened to my healthy, typically developing baby boy and he got seizures and lost words, started toe walking, got a horrible rash, allergies, and regressed into full blown autism a neurological DISORDER. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/1\/1a\/Handle-an-Autistic-Child%27s-Behavior-Step-1.jpg\/v4-460px-Handle-an-Autistic-Child%27s-Behavior-Step-1.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/1\/1a\/Handle-an-Autistic-Child%27s-Behavior-Step-1.jpg\/aid4929972-v4-728px-Handle-an-Autistic-Child%27s-Behavior-Step-1.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"